I was going through my old documents folder and found this. A sketch I was working on at second city. It only made it to this first draft (so don't judge too much) but it just goes to show you where we've come and how insanely unbelievable this all is. This would have been right around the time of his COI testimony.
Gary, Jerry, Glen, Glenda and Barry sit in an office conference room.
GLEN:
Folks, welcome. We have a lot of work to do today so let's get right to it. So far, we have had great success as the architects of Rob Ford's term in office. Our plan is working perfectly. The more blunders, gaffes and embarrassments he commits publicly the stronger the support with his base is. They rally behind him and see each incident as an example of the downtown gentry elite and liberal media victimizing him. Rudy, posing him with a nazi? A stroke of genius.
RUDY:
Thanks, I was pretty proud of that one.
GLEN:
And Ken hats off for the giving a finger to a six year old while driving and talking on the phone debacle. That was inspired.
KEN
My pleasure.
GLEN:
But there is a still a long way to go before the next election. It's time to kick operation Sweaty Oaf into high gear. We can't rest on our laurels. We need new, fresh mishaps, goofs and flagrant public demonstrations of obstinate ignorance. Who's got something for me?
LINDA:
Picture this. A ribbon cutting ceremony at a new public park. Ford shows up late. He runs toward the ribbon as sweat beads on his forehead. He trips and gets his head stuck in the jungle gym. He unleashes a string of profanities while gasping for air in front of a group of schoolchildren as EMS crews work to free him.
GLEN:
I like it.But it's been done. I know, it's tough to keep track. He does go rogue sometimes.
RUDY:
Okay, let's see. How about he runs over a cyclist while reading a lunch menu from Jack Astor's and doing his pro-line picks?
GLEN:
Nice. Keep going.
KEN:
Maybe he could call 9-1-1 on a Girl Guide selling cookies? Take a swing at margaret Atwood? Call a baby a fag? This is tough. He's really set the bar pretty high.
KEN:
Hold up guys...are we maybe pushing it a little bit?
GLEN:
Are you kidding me? Currently he is before the courts in a clear conflict of interest case and despite voting against every single outreach program he is now claiming his charity keeps kids out of gangs and saves their lives. His testimony was a rambling, incoherent series of contradictions. He is actually using his complete and utter lack of understanding as to how council works as a defence!
Here's a few comments from the Toronto Sun messageboard:
suckitpinkofaggots wrote: Eat me comrade miller! robbie's the man.
dielibtardsdie wrote: Adumb Vaughan is behind this witch hunt. stupid leftie libtards!
Adam is spelled Adumb by the way. They like doing that with people's names for some reason.
And fordshtemanhecandonowrongwrote: that'll show those union trough-feeders thank god taliban jack layton is dead, get off the gravy train freeloaders. Go back to India Muslims!
Honestly, this stuff just makes them stronger. It's like red bull to them. Skies the limit guys. Think big.
KEN:
Oh! How about he tries to deport Matt Galloway?
Gary:
Good, I like it.
RUDY:
He could propose that we turn daycares into child labour camps where pre-schoolers will be forced to earn their keep by sewing Argo's jerseys.
Gary:
Nice job Rudy. Who else?
LINDA:
Well, how about this. Couldn't the mayor design a clear and sustainable vision for the city then work with council to build consensus and relationships to make the plan actionable?
SILENCE
LINDA:
I'm fucking with you. How about he eats Olivia Chow's dog?
GLEN:
Jeez Linda, I thought you were drunk again. Look guys this is all good stuff. Rudy? Can you write it up? I've got to get going. The mayor has a press conference in a few minutes and I have to get down there to make sure he calls someone a dyke.