[ThoughtArcade]

Thanks for this, a lot of great points. I wasn't even thinking as far as his family and his ultimate priorities. Just that in his professional life, Ford has almost entirely coasted on lies, evasions and refusal to take responsibility for his actions. I wouldn't think you could continue to work that way as a legit recovering addict. If Rob Ford can't cheat his way through his political career, it collapses pretty fast.

Generally my own tactic has been to strip away everything that gave a sense of false identity. Job. Hobbies. Everything. Those will be important (and necessary) one day, but to confront behaviours, it has to be done with the view that none of that stuff matters. Only you, and what you do. That's the way you come face to face with who you really are. You took a piece of bread when you weren't supposed to? Oh, then you're the kind of person who will break rules and feels they are entitled to more than others, etc, etc...

By the same token, that's how *true* self esteem is built. You sacrificed your free time to talk to someone who was having a rough time? Then that's the kind of person you are. Can you do it consistently? Then you're the type of person who, absent of drugs, can be relied upon.

The other thing I would hammer into him on a daily basis is this:

The emptiness you are feeling and trying to fill is the gap between who you really are and the mask you where for everyone else.

 

[newearthling]

Sad part is - everyone who meets him says he a really nice guy. He probably is - he's just been manipulated off the map so far he doesn't recognize himself anymore. I'll NEVER vote for this guy - but a part of me really feels sorry for this guy. He should just retire from politics and open the best damn sports bar Etobicoke has ever seen....

I don't think it would be a good idea for an alcoholic to open up a bar.
Maybe a juice bar. It would be a sight to see if, after this, RoFo became a super healthy, vegetarian, veggie-juice-swilling, power yoga,tri-athalon dude!

 

[themarc]

I don't think it would be a good idea for an alcoholic to open up a bar.
Maybe a juice bar. It would be a sight to see if, after this, RoFo became a super healthy, vegetarian, veggie-juice-swilling, power yoga,tri-athalon dude!

He'd definitely have more to eat at home in that case...

 

[newearthling]

The emptiness you are feeling and trying to fill is the gap between who you really are and the mask you wear for everyone else.

That is really profound.
I don't really know anything about rehab.
But I am impressed if people go into such great depths while there.

 

[PinkLucy]

As for Rob answering Doug's calls, we only have Doug's word to go on that. And we all know how reliable Doug's word is.

If Rob isn't answering Doug's calls, I bet it is totally ticking Doug off. Which makes me giddy.

If he is answering his calls, he could be telling Doug to f off or is otherwise being unhelpful.

Who knows?

Whatever, a Rob/Doug split is a good thing.

 

[Expatriot]

And if rehab doesn't work (or rather if RoFo can't be arsed to do any actual rehab), he's certain to go on a raging bender again, which should be the end of RoFo, politician.

It's a win-win!

The great thing about this rehab stint is that once he comes out, it will very quickly be clear whether or not he is taking it seriously. If he admits to everything, acknowledges drug problems (not just alcohol), and speaks openly about his issues then he's probably taking it seriously. If he is taciturn or obfuscates or plays the victim card or uses any of the other gazillion old tricks from his bag, then it'll be the same ol' Jones! I for one am looking forward to clustering the dots in this regard.

 

[L23]

Or me might not be answering them because he's on a four day bender somewhere and is too fucked up to answer the phone. It wouldn't be beyond RoFo!

 

[ThoughtArcade]

I wish for his family's sake that you were his councillor. This is exactly what needs to happen. If people in rehab are fawning all over him, and treating him like a celebrity, he's going to repeat the cycle (especially if the facility is making exceptions for him making him feel "special").

Well, I think any counselor who knows WTF is going on would use the same tactic. I'd like to hope so, anyways. I have the horrible visions of GreeneStone saying "But, don't you think to be an effective mayor, sobriety is... etc". Bah. Treating him like a grown man who's made a few mistakes, as opposed to a child who has never grown up and is trying to figure out why he looks ridiculous in his father's too-big suit.

But I don't know what they're actually doing. The only extra weapon I would have had is the structure of the long-term therapeutic community. The message being sent to the resident doesn't end (like a day program -- sit in a meeting, go home to the same thing). I could tell him something, but when I leave for the day the older residents keep telling him the same thing, over and over again.

 

[ThoughtArcade]

That is really profound.
I don't really know anything about rehab.
But I am impressed if people go into such great depths while there.

Oh, dude. You have no idea

Think about it this way: many (not all) addicts have experienced some measure of emotional trauma. And then, they've used that hyper-sensitivity and understanding of feelings to manipulate others for the survival and protection of their addiction.

When that practiced ability to read people loses the fog of drugs it still remains. It gets sharper. And then when it gets *inverted* and becomes a tool to help other people who are in the same place that they were, it becomes *powerful*.

ETA: and when an addict starts to apply that ability objectively to themselves, there are usually no limits to the depths with which they will probe their own psyche.

I've been to three universities. Carleton, Ryerson and OCAD -- and I've never learned as much about the fundamental nature of being human as I did in my two years as a resident at Caritas.

 

[casita]

Generally my own tactic has been to strip away everything that gave a sense of false identity. Job. Hobbies. Everything. Those will be important (and necessary) one day, but to confront behaviours, it has to be done with the view that none of that stuff matters. Only you, and what you do. That's the way you come face to face with who you really are. You took a piece of bread when you weren't supposed to? Oh, then you're the kind of person who will break rules and feels they are entitled to more than others, etc, etc...

My son is a career soldier in the regular army. What you describe sounds somewhat similar to the way he described basic training.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwMPZR3sS2o

"Kiss me good-bye and write me while I'm gone..."

Or me might not be answering them because he's on a four day bender somewhere and is too fucked up to answer the phone. It wouldn't be beyond RoFo!

^ I have a dear friend who is exactly like that. Sometimes I have to go check on him.

Sober as a judge most of the time.

 

[ThoughtArcade]

My son is a career soldier in the regular army. What you describe sounds somewhat similar to the way he described basic training.

There are definitely parallels. The principal difference being that Basic Training wants to achieve a kind of group synergy. Caritas (or long-term rehab) just wants to strip away false pride and replace it with something a bit more real.

For example, when I went in at 18 if asked who I was, I would have said that I was a composer or musician (pretty much true). So, having actually asked that, Caritas forbid me from playing any kind of music (we had a bunch of pianos around -- I offered to tune them. My offer was... declined, and I was told not to touch them).

This made me crazy. But the idea was that, sure I could entertain people for a bit, and maybe feel good about myself because of that. But it wouldn't last. What would last is the idea that I could ascribe meaning to the absence of music, and learn to integrate with people who were much different from me (at the time there were a lot of rough/macho Italians -- I was more of a soft/cerebral Italian, lol). Despite the differences, I came to be a person who people went to talk to when they needed to vent. I became valuable because of that. My education didn't matter. The music didn't matter. People connected with me because of the basics of who I was, not what I was.

ETA: For RoFo, the process needs to be similar. You're not the mayor. You're not a politician. You're not a nominal rep for Deco. Who are you? Don't know? Then we have a problem, and we'd better figure it out.

 

[AlvinofDiaspar]

TA/Casita:

Sounds like you're "breaking" someone and remolding them, all the same.

AoD

 

[ThoughtArcade]

TA/Casita:

Sounds like you're "breaking" someone and remolding them, all the same.

AoD

Yeah, to some degree that's correct in terms of process.

I would just add that with rehab, the expected outcome is different.

 

[casita]

TA/Casita:

Sounds like you're "breaking" someone and remolding them, all the same.

AoD

I'm certainly no expert, Alvin. Just my personal opinion.

Live your life, do your work, as simple as that.

But, I understand that the reality for many is not that simple.

 

[TonyV]

"What if".

With the Ford Twins' popularity allegedly sinking to new lows, I wonder (again) what would happen if a plausible, real human, capable of actual human reasoning, was to run for election in the Ford Twins' old wards.

Out of curiosity I think I will see who is running in the two wards. I openly wonder if there is some candidate out to recapture / hold onto the douchebag vote.